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rik

CD AFTER DARK ONLY

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Posted (edited)

calu gayboy and the Three Hairy Manbearpigs

A Fairy Tale
by erik

Once upon a time there was a Brave boy called calu gayboy. He was on the way to see his son scott , when he decided to take a short cut through GDZ.

It wasn't long before calu got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, gregs foreskin, but gregs foreskin was nowhere to be found! calu began to panic. He felt sure he had packed gregs foreskin. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a hairy manbearpig dressed in a purple thong disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought calu.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed manbearpig. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, calu reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from watermelon, a house made from toenails, a house made from armpit hair and a house made from chest hair.

calu could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

calu looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving calu a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was gregs foreskin!

"gregs foreskin!" shouted calu. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give gregs foreskin back!" cried calu.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let gregs foreskin out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, three hairy manbearpigs rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. calu recognised the one in the purple thong that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Manbearpig," said the witch.

"Good morning." The manbearpig noticed gregs foreskin. "Who is this?"

"That's gregs foreskin," explained the witch.

"Ooh! gregs foreskin would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the manbearpig.

The witch shook her head. "gregs foreskin is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." calu interrupted. "gregs foreskin lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Manbearpig ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Manbearpig looked at the house made from chest hair and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from chest hair if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next manbearpig. "I could eat twohouses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have gregs foreskin."

calu watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give gregs foreskin to Big Manbearpig. He didn't think gregs foreskin would like living with a hairy manbearpig, away from his house and all his other toys.

The other two manbearpigs watched while Big Manbearpig put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Manbearpig. "Just you watch!"

Big Manbearpig pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from toenails. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

Eventually, Big Manbearpig started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of toenails, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Manbearpig.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Manbearpig never finished eating the front door made from toenails and gregs foreskin remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Manbearpig stepped up, and approached the house made from armpit hair.

 

"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Manbearpig. "Just you watch!"

Average Manbearpig pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from armpit hair. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

After a while, Average Manbearpig started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

   ...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a manbearpig!" said Average Manbearpig.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Manbearpig, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the manbearpig away under his arm.

Average Manbearpig never finished eating the front door made from armpit hair and gregs foreskin remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Little Manbearpig stepped up, and approached the house made from chest hair.

 

"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Manbearpig. "Just you watch!"

Little Manbearpig pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from chest hair. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

After five or six platefuls, Little Manbearpig started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.

He stopped eating chest hair for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.

But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Manbearpig into the sky.

"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Manbearpig. "I'm scared of heigh..."

Little Manbearpig was never seen again.

 

Little Manbearpig never finished eating the front door made from chest hair and gregs foreskin remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep gregs foreskin."

"Not so fast," said calu. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from watermelon. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the manbearpigs. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said calu.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted gregs foreskin back."

calu ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from watermelon and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

calu sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained calu. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When calu's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from watermelon. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, calu was down to the final piece of the door made from watermelon. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. calu had eaten the entire front door of the house made from watermelon.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over gregs foreskin or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

calu hurried over and grabbed gregs foreskin, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, gregs foreskin was unharmed.

calu thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet scott. It was starting to get dark.

When calu got to scott's house, his son threw his arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried scott. "You are very late."

As calu described his day, he could tell that scott didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked scott.

calu unwrapped a doorknob made from toenails. "Pudding!" he said.

scott almost fell off his chair.

The End

Edited by rik

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cd after dark

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good job man thx

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CD AFTER DARK COME HANG WITH THE CREW CALU ME AND ERIK

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Jesus Christ what did I just witness 

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3 hours ago, Mmbros said:

Jesus Christ what did I just witness 

 

2 hours ago, Tripluh said:

what the actual fuck 

 

Calu asked me to read him a bedtime story and this is what the story generator came up with , all i did was type in 10 words and e z 

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oh my fucking god, what the fuck

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great read mate

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Seems accurate 

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